Today I made the decision to drop out of Seton Hall and pursue other dreams.

I finally had the guts to tell my parents that I did not want to be a nursing major and that I wanted to major in genetic behavior and criminal justice at a larger, cheaper school like Montclair or Rutgers. I hated Seton Hall and I hated the nursing program there. In the last year I felt like the passion and drive was slowly sucked out of me with every mile that I drove into South Orange to sit down to learn about a subject that I threw myself into. I am much more happy knowing that I will be able to pursue my real interests at a bigger university and that I am not wasting mine or my parent’s money on my life that would turn out to be mediocre. I am scared and relieved and anxious and all over again for the challenges ahead of me.

My entire life I have been told that I am “so smart” and whatever I want to do I can do because I was blessed with excess intelligence. But I feel like the biggest idiot for wasting the last year of my life and all that money. I feel as if everyone else is wrong because I constantly feel like I am a disappointment to everyone and people who disappoint others could not possibly be that smart. Smart people make smart decisions and I feel like I make the wrong ones constantly.

I feel like a big, stupid, misguided jerk.

I feel lonely and cheated.

I feel like there is no one and no where to turn to.